R U Mine?

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Heavy footsteps of a swaggering walk follow the abrupt break in serenity. A sudden movement of the door handle. You can see the smile, the one that never appears on cue yet always seems to be there nowadays. The voice that adds to the smile is low and in tune to the music that’s always on, even when we’re not. The bed makes a scary noise, as though it’s considering giving up the only thing it was made to do. The mattress is pushed back into place, having been dislodged by that daily flop onto it. The laughter becomes more and more genuine, more childlike, alive and fun. It’s inevitable. Little mumbles of cheesy sweetness and quiet thoughts escape your mouth. There’s a ‘hmm’ of feeling at peace.

Appearances. My expressions and movements are mirrored in front of me and I’m lost in the illusion of something fantastical. It’s 4 a.m., the curtains are drawn and the bed is made of petals and thorns.

The music is inconsiderately loud but our voices are soft and breathless. Outside people stumble around with drunken words bouncing off the corridor walls. Inspiration settles comfortably at the most inconvenient time and I tell myself that I’ll remember that rhyme. I’ll remember the poetry of that night.

Whilst exploring uncrossed boundaries and sailing out to discover new land, we manage to make it awkward in a funny way. You’re one of the best written books I’ve read in a long time. You’re one of the ones you don’t ever want to put down but sometimes have to. And like those books, I never want to finish reading you.

I fall asleep before the sun rises and dream the earliest dreams of you. The music infiltrates them, filling me with hope and anticipation. In a crowd of people, you’re by my side, singing at me. Every word that comes out of his mouth becomes your own. You give me those words. You give me new words, words to make our own. I take them and create our story out of them.

I write about you and how you inspire me; everything I love about you. The way you dance; swaying with your fingers waving in front of you, pointing. How you pretend to know the lyrics of the songs that are playing. How your fingers are burnt from the mixture of intoxication and lighters. I write about how funny it is when we fall off the pavement and my knees get bruised or grazed way too easily.

Of course, when I awake to the bright blue sky above me, the initial worry returns, then escapes my mind immediately. The sky smiles down at me offering a world of opportunities that I’m scared to take too soon. I would be dumb not to take them.

My mind goes blank when you don’t reply, like a new page in my notebook I’m too nervous to disrupt with words. But just to the right of my face, you sing along to the song and look me straight in the eye. Then, you ask me R U Mine?

by Cat Caie

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My Strength

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If Only She Knew