The True Meaning of Self-Care Might Be Different to What You Thought

Image Source, Feeh Costa (Unsplash)

If you haven't come across the term self-care while scrolling through your social media, you must be one of the few who has managed to detach from the platforms.

Over the past eighteen months, the term self-care has been popping up online so much it feels like there's no escaping it. Everywhere you look, someone's run a bubble bath or blitzed a green juice in its name. It's a necessity that's become a mainstream trend; the social media posts accompanied with a classic #selfcare. At the height of the pandemic, trapped inside with varying degrees of anxiety and hopelessness, we sought things - pastimes or possessions - to make us feel better, or to distract us from the chaos in the world and in our minds.

Funnily enough, throughout these lockdowns we began to use social media more. Even though none of us were really doing anything (except baking sourdough, obvs), we gravitated towards the platforms like moths to a flame; desperately seeking something akin to social interaction via the images on our feeds.

And what did we find when we got there? An endless stream of self-care posts and targeted ads; encouraging spending and surface-level self-care practices. Perhaps more so than before lockdown.

Did we fall prey to it? Probably. I know in some ways I did, online shopping instead of confronting the difficult emotions associated with a global trauma. But, we shouldn't beat ourselves up. After all, we've all been led to believe in the mainstream myth of self-care.

It's an obsession that stems from our desire for more; for the elated, yet fleeting, rush of a new parcel arriving on our doorstep.

We like the idea of treating ourselves, of taking time out to light candles and put on a facemask. Spending a Sunday curled up amongst blankets, Bridget Jones’ Diary on and a packet of giant chocolate buttons beside us. Perhaps we're scrolling through ASOS or Cult Beauty; searching for that new item to lift our mood after a particularly long week. It feels indulgent, and like we're living the lives we see on our IG feeds.

Because that's what you do, right? When you're feeling a little low or burnt-out. You buy a new product or light a few scented candles?

When we perceive something to be wrong, it's much easier to search for outward solutions than to truly face the problem. That's why the consumerist version of self-care is so popular. We prefer to chase the latest, trending products than to look inward. The more we avoid these problems, obsessively spending and buying into the mainstream myth of self-care, the more we fuel an industry that's not only feeding off our desire for a 'quick fix,' but is also discriminatory.

You see, what happens when a person from a low-income background wants to participate in a bit of self-care? They can't, not in the way presented by the media. Mainstream self-care trends exclude those who don't have the means to engage in excessive spending. They simply can't afford new face masks or jade rollers. Not without maxing out their credit cards or skipping that weekly grocery shop.

The pressure our society places on us to spend, by broadcasting the latest trends, brands and products at us 24/7, only gives us more incentive. This age of communication, where we process so much information at such a rapid pace, doesn't exactly leave us with the time or mental bandwidth to really consider these purchases or messages. Which makes it even easier for companies to convince us of their product’s value.

Spending and self-care has become synonymous. Through the idealised images sold to us via social media, and the Influencers and It Girls we try to imitate, we're fed a narrative and a goal of what it means to improve, or have your life together. We see the clean, minimalist spaces and expensive (but probably gifted) candles, as they open up a Glossier order or unpack some new, linen bedding, and associate that with self-care. But, it's unrealistic. The materialistic view we have, 'treating ourselves' at every available opportunity, is simply our response to being sold the idea of self-improvement.

But the biggest problem with all of this? It doesn't address your true needs.

I once heard self-care described as 'doing what you don't want to do today, so you don't have to do it tomorrow.' We're talking taking out the bins, doing laundry, meal-prepping. The mundane tasks you'd usually put-off until you absolutely have to do them. Only giving in once your bedding's covered in an unacceptable amount of tea stains, or you have a guest coming over. How boring. Where are the serums and packages? The pots and potions and pretty checklists? The spending an afternoon binge-watching Love Island with a huge mug of tea? While these things can be important - when done mindfully and in moderation - it's the seemingly insignificant or dull tasks that effect real, positive change in our lives and selves, and truly address our needs. It's all done in the name of taking care of your future self.

Sure, we might sometimes do our skincare routine or put on our favourite outfit to lift our mood; but often, that's only a short-term solution. A sticking plaster to cover the real issue.

When it comes to figuring out self-care's true meaning, well, that depends on the individual. You see, self-care might be an umbrella term, but that doesn't mean it's one-size-fits-all. It's a journey, one we all have to embark on once we realise our updated skincare routine just isn't solving our deep-rooted emotional issues (although, it does make our skin glow).

Start with the simple things, eating more vegetables, drinking water, showering, and getting some fresh air. Prioritise the ones you enjoy, but don't forget about the ones you don't. Try different methods, routines, and practices. Whatever helps you, heals you, or frees you. Because, ultimately, it's taking genuine care of yourself that'll effect positive change within you. Why? Because everyone's different. Everyone has different needs, preferences, and lifestyles.

So, how can there be one method for self-care?

That being said, if you want to and can afford to make an impulsive Glossier order, then why not? As long as you remember that Futuredew won't cure your depression, or help you get more Vitamin C in your diet, then you're one step closer to finding the meaning of self-care that's true for you.

by Claire Hussey

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