The Guilt Free Guide To Saying No
Everyone knows that saying “no” to someone can feel awkward and uncomfortable; but just how many times are we saying “no” to ourselves in order to say yes to others?
Believe it or not despite the worry that they may feel let down, disappointed or annoyed, saying no does not make you a bad person!
Personally, I think our generation has blurred the line between free time and availability. Just because someone has time on their hands, doesn't mean that they’re available to make plans or hang out. But, in a digital age where we feel a constant pressure to be productive and socialise, how do you say “I’m sorry but this evening I was hoping just to chill on the sofa with a book” or “I was looking forward to doing nothing”.
When we can’t say no to others we end up leaving ourselves overstretched and stressed; of course, there is a natural push and pull in life but we’ve all heard the saying ‘you cannot pour from an empty cup’. Which is why we need to save a little “yes” for ourselves and a give a little “no” to others.
So, here’s my guilt free guide to saying no.
Cut the crap, just be direct.
I used to be soo bad for hmming and hahing trying to get out of something - “oh I’m not too sure what time I’ll be home from work and then I need to get ready… I don't want to hold you back” and so on. It dragged out the “no” or ended up in me going to something I had no social battery for.
You can still be apologetic.
Just be careful what you're apologising for. We aren't sorry for saying no because we needed to say yes to ourselves… You can still say “sorry I won't be able to make it” because it can be the polite thing or you might actually be sorry that you’re missing out, but it doesn't mean that going is the right thing for you.
Take a step away from social media.
You’ve had a stressful day, you’ve told your friends you can’t go out with them and you log into Instagram while you're having some “me time”. The guilt rushes over you when you see x is out for coffee at a reunion, y is at the bar with her friends after a hike and z is out volunteering… and you’re on the sofa? Because just like they are where they need to be, you are too (or maybe they regret saying yes).
Establish healthy boundaries for yourself.
What do YOU need? Listen to what your body needs… are you feeling restless? Fatigued? How do you react inside when you say yes? Excited? Anxious?
It’s okay to feel some healthy guilt but you don't need to feel disempowered by misplaced guilt - your time is yours to spend.
by Caitlin Mussen (Staff Health & Wellbeing Writer)
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