Honestly…Using A Dating App For The First Time
Dear Reader,
I would love to offer you a pat on the back and a variation of the over-used “welcome to the club” routine, but I can perceive how in your current situation this could pick up results that are somewhat less than ideal.
Dating apps, especially Tinder, possess a certain level of notoriety within the hierarchical structure of romantic socialising. If your breasts aren’t positioned directly under your chin and your mind isn’t in the gutter, you’re a prude; and in some corners of the world, the number of tattoos you have somehow has a positive correlation to the number of people you’d be happy to put out for. The latter, I hate to say it, coming from a precautionary and not-all-that-old anecdote from my personal collection. It’s a minefield for perversion – either be careful where you step or land face-down. What do you mean, you haven’t read Murakami? Jack, 20, four kilometres away sees this as a mandatory requirement prior to a first date. Daniel, 23, London, considers his entire personality to be comprised of wearing white skinny jeans you can see the outline of his testicles through and slips-ons without socks, and has no intention to change that any time soon. Oh, so you like fish? There are 87 profiles in your local area containing photos of men holding river trout which match those criteria.
Despite all my moaning, however, there’s a small proportion of clouds which hold the potential for a silver lining. As the saying goes, you have to kiss a fair number of frogs before you come across Greater Manchester’s* solution to a prince. Apps effectively facilitate the groundwork of getting to know the darkest corners of someone’s personality and condense it into a user-friendly, clickable, swipe-able format. The niftiness of modern technology never fails to amaze me. Secondly, having a game of romantic Top Trumps literally at the press of a button, if nothing else, widens the dating pool tenfold. You can choose to stick or twist. You can enter all your chips and then throw a toddler tantrum when your windfall falls below expectations. Whichever method usually works for you, apply it - or just observe and see where the journey takes you.
Have you ever considered that you’re perhaps intimidated by the current digital dating arena because the people your friends seem to engage with are all unquestionably intimidating? You attract what you project, so maybe your immediate circle just really like fishing. If I could give any real piece of advice, though, in addition to the above paragraph basically being a roundabout instruction to keep an open mind, it’s to remember one word: boundaries. Not to speak badly of your friends, who I assume are wonderful people, but I may also be so bold to assume that there have been times when their specifications have lacked thorough thought. Some standard slippage. In other words, the bar has been set very, very low. We can all agree that God loves a trier, but when his back is turned, they will always find a way to contribute the outright minimum. It is within your rights to demand more of the people you would like to be romantically involved with. You’re not into Stella Artois and extreme football loyalty? Don’t touch the boy in the England shirt with a bargepole. You dread the thought of having to act like a partner’s parent? Stay away from anyone who looks like they spend too much time listening to Phoebe Bridgers instead of seeking therapy for their mummy issues. Head in knowing what you want, and make no compromises on it. At the end of it all, you can only go with your gut. Most of the time, you might just find that it’s right.
by Emma Doyle
(Staff Love & Relationships Writer & Agony Aunt)
Follow Emma’s Instagram
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