Why time alone is healthy for the mind and soul

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All of us have felt the disappointment rise in our stomachs while scrolling through endless pictures of friends hanging out, drinking, and laughing on social media. Many of us most likely stayed around a toxic group of friends because we were too afraid to be alone.

I guarantee hundreds of people out there have sought out relationships and even marriages because they feared the dreaded state of ‘being alone forever’. When and why did being alone become such an awful thing?

I realised this fear dominated my everyday life. I was around people who made me feel inadequate, and I clung onto those friendships for no reason other than the fear of being left by myself, of having no one to make plans with and suffering through the humiliation of shopping or eating out by myself. I, too, have fallen victim to the anxieties of being alone, the feeling that everyone is staring at you as you eat out in public, thinking they are silently judging and laughing. But this feeling is temporary. The more I ventured out by myself, the more that insecure voice in my brain dulled until it was non-existent.

Spending time alone helped me understand who I am as a person. Since I wasn’t spending time processing the emotions of others, I could do some thinking inwards. Solitude created a deeper understanding of my emotions. I learnt more about what saddened me, what made me happy and what upset me. I was no longer catering to everyone else’s emotional needs, and this caused me to obtain a greater perspective of my emotions.

I was also able to do things I enjoyed without the fear of judgement - when you are out with friends, you always have to make compromises to suit everyone. Making plans by myself was way easier; I could leave whenever I wanted and go wherever I pleased without having to suit everyone’s preferences. I did not have to apologise to anyone, which took a lot of pressure off every situation. I no longer second-guessed every move I made incase it offended or insulted anyone. Once you are alone, the only person’s happiness you have to worry about is your own.

Solitude also has a way of making you appreciate your relationships. Time alone gives you a greater appreciation for yourself, which, in turn, will make you treat others better and value your current relationships. You will no longer seek validation from others. You will learn to be independent and to trust your own judgement and emotions. Finding peace alone is a difficult journey. Sometimes even I find it difficult not to let solitude turn to loneliness, but it is a continuous journey that will benefit your mind and soul in the long run.

The comfort of being your own best friend is very satisfying and gratifying.

by Kate Koles

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