Male Mental Health
June is the month of Fathers Day, a time to appreciate the presence of grandads, uncles and Dads across the globe. So for my piece this week, I wanted to focus on male mental health, and open up the subject of why “manning up” isn’t a useful method of comfort.
All men struggle too and it’s time to amplify the conversation about social norms, when it comes to masculinity.
Good mental health is like oxygen. Without it, we cannot survive. Without it, we will suffocate within ourselves. So why is it so much more taboo for men to need this oxygen?
The problem facing boys throughout society over several decades is judgment, fear and an embedded expectation for them to be strong, stable and strive for success.
I have seen the effects of hidden mental illness during my teenage years. Several of my family members have dealt with anxiety and depression, yet been too afraid or embarrassed to speak out about it because “real men don’t need emotional help”. I often look at my father and brother, both incredibly intelligent, devoted and admirable people and wonder how they are capable of always appearing in control of every situation. How can they remain calm during intense stress, or continue to succeed when anxious. But recently I have realised, perhaps it’s because these figures in my life have often been described as “heads of the household” or, “centre of the family”. Without them, we would all crumble, but how can that be fair on them? Like my mother and I, sometimes they need a day off too. Just because they are men doesn’t remove their human traits.
It is increasingly common for men to resist getting help, out of a belief they should be able to handle it, or it should just go away on its own.
However, the fact of the matter is, we must protect our men just as much as our women, since mental health is oxygen, and everyone needs it to survive.
A study commissioned by The Priory in 2015 uncovered the most common reasons why men don’t talk about their mental health. The top 5 were as follows:
“I’ve learnt to deal with it”
“I’m too embarrassed”
“I don’t want to appear weak”
“I don’t want to be a burden to anyone”
“There’s a negative stigma around this”
Furthermore, a startling 22 percent of respondents said they wouldn’t even feel comfortable to speak to a professional in fear that it would waste their time.
It is evident today, that society is uncomfortable with a boy who cries. Society is unsettled to see a man curled up in bed, exhausted from constantly trying to hide the darkness that exists in his head.
For too long, society has told men to “man up”, instilling fear on them for being “too sensitive” or “too dramatic”.
The toxic stereotype of “lad culture” arising in the early 1990s has caused men to walk around with their emotions trapped inside like a ticking time bomb. It’s toxic that men are afraid of receiving support and love in case they are viewed as weak. It’s toxic that the majority of men fear basic human treatment, in case they are disowned by society. What a terrifying fact to understand.
Society shouts in the faces of men “be someone different, don’t be such a girl”
Society screams a thousand other ways that men don’t feel because… they’re men.
But here’s the wonderful, beautiful thing society. Real men do cry. Real men do feel. Real men talk and grieve and accept an emotional soul instead of an imprisoned one.
Real men do not hide behind a mask of strength.
You cannot be strong if you never embrace being weak.
Maybe one day, we will see a brave new world where men can stand with an emotional vocabulary and aren’t afraid to use it. Where men can appreciate the beauty of receiving help for their worries.
Where men can comfortably ask for support without fearing the wrath of society.
by Samantha Webb (Staff Health & Wellbeing Writer)
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